Women Under 35

According to Janeane Garofalo
80% of women under the age of 35
Have no "thatch on their maidenhead"
I looked it up
The numbers vary
But wow...
Most young women
Spurn
The map of Tasmania
Now don't misunderstand me
Your pubes are your business
Clearly this is a generational thing
And I don't want to come off as
Some crazy old lady
Shaking my fist, saying
"Kids today
With their pubic hair
And their music!"
I understand
Personal preference
Increasing pleasure
Lessening discomfort
Yes, yes, yes
Whatever helps you with
Reaching "Yes!"
Do that!
But...
80%
Really?
This has nothing to do with
Airbrushed Victoria Secret ads?
HD everything?
Photoshopped  catalogues?
Porn, Playboy
Pandering?
You know
Women who wear corsets
These days really do
Love them
They are pretty
And sexy and,
When worn responsibly,
They help with your posture.
But there was a time when
The rigid binding of a corset
Was not about preference
As much as it was about
A standard.
80%
Is a standard
It's the fucking standard
Ladies
Make your maidenhead
Into what you like
Get into the zen
Of tending to your garden
Fine. Fine.
But fuck the standard
No partner worth their salt
Requires the standard
And so fucking what
If they do?
That is your cue to
Send them packing
The only standard
You should abide
Is your own