Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Grateful & Pissed

It will be Thanksgiving in a couple of days
And there have been all kinds of "Be grateful" memes
Ticking past my eyes
Oh, sure
I am grateful
I am grateful for hugs & I love you's
And "All the Things"
I get it.
I know.
I am also grateful that
I am white.
Oh, I deal with 
And homophobia
And classicism
And religious bigotry
All those things suck
But whew! What a relief
That I am wearing
A potent dose of privilege 
Thank the fucking gods!
I am grateful
God damn it.
I am grateful.
I am not ashamed.
I don't feel guilty.
I feel pissed off.
Fuck this--
I will not entertain debate on this--
I will not boo hoo about the times
My day sucked a little
Because a brown person 
Was mean to me 
As if that's proof
That "they" don't have it so hard
And just need to behave themselves
And stop making this about race
Because it is about race
It is about race.
Every day.
All the time.
It has never been about just one boy.
One boy is not enough
For us
And oh my gods! I am so lucky--
The times I misbehaved
The times my white friends misbehaved
Fire, fighting, fucking
And got away with it
Or didn't
But lived to tell the tale.
I am grateful
People lived 
To tell the tale
But being thankful
Does not change the fact
That too many people
Are dead
Some of us
Will riot about
Football coaches
And Pumpkins
But uncapping Rage
Because of Injustice
Is for "savages".
One circumstance
That can be 
Parlayed into
"He deserved it"
Does not dismantle
The reality
Of why
I feel gratitude.
I will not delude myself
With hypotheticals
That will never
Be tested in court.
I am grateful
And that pisses me off.
That I am just that much
More likely to live
My husband and child
More likely to live
While some people
Are more likely to die
No matter what
More likely to die
What a relief
That I can be this pissed off
And safe

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